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[Storm Crow]

hey guys, i know this isn't the most pleasent topic, but recently my relation ship of almost two years hasn't been going very well, i dont think i can salvage it and im planning on breaking up with her on thursday

im looking for any thing from a one liner to a soothing setting, personal experience would help to

[Guerrilla]

Tell her like it is.

[Suppoko]

Oh hell dude that has a bunch of factors, do you care what happens after? Do you live together? Is she over 30ish? Any mutual friends? Do you think she will take a face to face badly and will you get stabbed for it?

While we are talking about it why can't it be saved? You just don't see yourself with her for the long haul? She snores? Hogs the covers? What is the straw taht broke the camel's back? Most anything can be fixed if both parties want it bad enough.

This post has been edited by Suppoko: Sep 29 2009, 01:15 AM

[cuban jey]

yeah like suppoko said not to be nosey but for your safety and well being we need a lil more info as this can go many ways

[NARC]

so, you just spent a week in hawaii with her and you're going to ditch her right after this? did something bad happen there? you're young right? like 20 or 21? kinda creepy that you have the day planned and everything. have you tried talking about whatever isn't working out?

[a niner fan]

Yeah, if it's completely coming out of left field for her, you may want to take the time to plan this out a little. Like Narc says, you're going to attempt this Thursday? Have you been shying away from her? Stopped calling and all that sort of thing? Sometimes if you plant that seed, she can begin figuring it out on her own. But if you lay it down and she's not expecting it, prepare for some drama.

[Storm Crow]

okay guys, thanks for the resposes, this is how it is

shes a nice girl but recently we've been fighting alot(more then normal), we dont live toghether, im 18 and shes 19, some mutual friends but they are more of my friends, im not sure if a face to face will go badly but i belive that anything less is an insult and no im not going to get stabbed

yes narc we did just spend a week in hawaii but it was more of me trying to rekindle the love and i dont think i succeded, we were fighting all the time about the stupidist things, and yes i do like to plan things out, and i have done the whole sit down and talk thing a few times and its lost its meaning to i dont think that an option

she has been asking me lately if thiers another girl and frankly yes their is

as for being a suprise to her, ya i think shes not really going to expect it but i dont htink shes going to make a scene so im not afraid to do it in public(id rather not do it in any of our houses)

[Suppoko]

Ok, well since there IS another girl that would be why you don't think this will work. If you are having fun with the other girl there is no way you are going to want to put in the work to save waht you have. Not a big deal but out of curiosity how much either before or after this other girl did the fighting start? Women are usually pretty intuititve when it comes to that stuff so.

As far as what you should do with breaking it off, I would suggest her place unless of course her father is a big ass dude who loves his little girl. If she does start breaking shibby it will be hers and you get the option to just walk out.

As far as the face to face insult thing I am not going to get into it because every relationship is different what your doing to her now is the biggest insult of all.

This post has been edited by Suppoko: Sep 29 2009, 12:31 PM

[Storm Crow]

the fighting has been going on long before this other girl came into the picture, i guess im only thinking about breaking up with her now because i know i have another option(wow i sound like a douche) but i think ill take your advice and do it at her place

This post has been edited by Storm Crow: Sep 29 2009, 03:24 PM

[cuban jey]

id keep the relationship with the other girl under wraps for awhile as well just until the sh!t storm starts to clear

[Storm Crow]

id keep the relationship with the other girl under wraps for awhile as well just until the sh!t storm starts to clear

ya i wasn't planning on telling her

[Triggeraa]

Steps



1. Have things turned around in your relationship?
Think about why you are breaking up with this person. If you are simply upset with your partner, you should consider talking about what upset you and focus on resolving it, rather than ending the relationship. But if this same issue has already been discussed, yet nothing changes and you keep feeling unsatisfied, hurt, or betrayed, then breaking up might be the only way to end the pattern. Your partner will ask you why you want out, and you should be prepared with answers. Before having "the talk" that ends the relationship, do your best to articulate the reasons you are breaking up. If you have trouble remembering examples during emotional discussions or arguments, write your reasons down in advance. It may help to talk this over with someone you trust, or with a counselor.

2. Plan out how long you are willing to spend breaking up. The actual conversation in which you break up with this person can last a lot longer than it should, especially if your partner is devastated or completely surprised by your decision. It'll be much easier for you to stick to your guns if the conversation doesn't drag out. Expect to spend at least one hour breaking up, and longer if the relationship lasted a year or more. You may even want to arrange an appointment with a friend in a neutral location so that you can say "I'm supposed to meet John/Jane at the restaurant in fifteen minutes, so I have to go now."

3. Break up in person. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but it can also be interpreted as cruel and cowardly. Unless you are a long distance away and choose not to wait until you see the person again, don't break up by phone, e-mail, or through an instant messenger system. And don't even think about breaking up with someone by pulling a disappearing act, even if it's just by suddenly eliminating contact with the person. The lack of closure can be psychologically damaging.

If you don't live together, break the news at his/her home and in private. They'll want to feel safe enough to respond emotionally--no one wants to be broken up with in public or near family and friends, and risk bursting into tears, or be forced to bottle up all those emotions. While you can break up with them at your place, making someone go home after getting news like that will be difficult, and could make them more bitter. If you are at your partner's home, you can leave after you feel you've made your decision clear.
If you live together, breaking-up will be particularly problematic and stressful; you should have a place where you can stay until the person you've broken up with digests the big change. You can either move all of your stuff while they're not home and then break up when they come home and notice, or break up and leave with some of your things with the intention to come back when things have calmed down to get the rest of your belongings. Either way will be very difficult for the other person, but only you know what's best for your situation.

4. Break up calmly. If you say the dreaded words "We need to talk", your partner will immediately know what's going on, and that's not a bad thing. You don't want to blurt out "We need to break up" out of the blue, or worse, when you're in an argument. You need to approach the whole thing calmly and peacefully, with a sense of resolution. Sit down with your partner and let him or her know that you've decided to end the relationship.

5. Expect any or all of the following reactions.

Questioning -- He or she will want to know why, and whether there was anything he or she could have done to prevent the breakup. Answer the questions as honestly as possible.
Crying -- The other person will likely be upset, and it will show. You can comfort him or her, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated into changing your decision.
Arguing -- He or she may dispute anything you've said during the breakup, including examples you used in your reasons for breaking up. Don't get dragged into a fight, and don't split hairs. Let your partner know that arguing isn't going to change your decision.
Bargaining or Begging -- He or she may offer to change, or to do things differently in order to preserve the relationship. If the person didn't change when you've discussed your problems in the past, it is too late to expect him or her to truly change now.
Lashing out -- Whether it's as simple as saying "You'll never find anyone as good as me" or as scary as saying "I'll make you regret this", he or she is usually just trying to make himself or herself feel better. Threats of physical harm, however, are serious and should not be ignored. If you feel that your safety is at risk, stay calm and leave quickly.

6. Distance yourself. It'll be difficult, but don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself. Do all the things you've ever wanted to do, that you wouldn't have done if you were still with this person. Now is the perfect time to focus on those missed opportunities. Your ex may try to get in touch, but wait a while (some people suggest six months) before resuming contact, if at all. You felt close to this person at one point in your life, and you will probably always have a soft spot for him or her, but it's time for both of you to move on.

7. Realize that breaking up is just a normal part of life. Yes, breaking up is difficult - but like it or not, this is a normal part of teenage and adult life, and as much as it is painful, it is normal. Sometimes you will be the dumper, sometimes you might be the dumpee. We all have heartbreak; it hurts- but we all survive it, and you (and your ex) will too.

[Storm Crow]

thanks trig, that helps alot

[Suppoko]

that come straight off a dating site or what? lol his/her

[NARC]

okay you're younger than i thought. dude, high school sweetheart hookups rarely last forever. if it isn't working buck up and just give the girl the respect she may or may not deserve to tell her that you both need to move on. you are young. BUT, you'll do alot of growing up in the next 3-6 years. and you'll meet someone. and statistics say 50% of the time that will fail too even with the lock of marriage. find a best friend, and with luck she'll have organs that work with yours. but you shouldn't have to worry about that for a while. play the field. you aren't amish.

[Storm Crow]

okay you're younger than i thought. dude, high school sweetheart hookups rarely last forever. if it isn't working buck up and just give the girl the respect she may or may not deserve to tell her that you both need to move on. you are young. BUT, you'll do alot of growing up in the next 3-6 years. and you'll meet someone. and statistics say 50% of the time that will fail too even with the lock of marriage. find a best friend, and with luck she'll have organs that work with yours. but you shouldn't have to worry about that for a while. play the field. you aren't amish.

thanks dude that makes me feel like less of a jack*ss

[piranhaman00]

I actually plan on asking someone to homecomming on thursday. lol but i dont think i will because HC is next week fri and thats a little to late to ask but ill try.

Storm crow- good luck

[Suppoko]

I actually plan on asking someone to homecomming on thursday. lol but i dont think i will because HC is next week fri and thats a little to late to ask but ill try.

Storm crow- good luck

Well sir if it's to late to be her date jsut make sure you're her favorite person to dance with that night win her that way.

[NARC]

god i feel old. young men, all you have to do is roll a little bit of bad boy into a little bit of white knight and you're gold. quit picking due dates, girls aren't assignments. piranhaman00: ask the girl to homecoming. if she says she's got another date or flat out says no, your heart won't stop beating. unless it does (it won't). in which case i'm terribly sorry (but it won't happen, you just find the next girl that interests you). i have major social anxiety issues and i had many problems in high school finding the courage to just ask. but i found when i did, even if i did get rejected, that life still moved on. you won't know what could have been unless you attempt to make it happen.

[PhoMan]

god i feel old. young men, all you have to do is roll a little bit of bad boy into a little bit of white knight and you're gold. quit picking due dates, girls aren't assignments. piranhaman00: ask the girl to homecoming. if she says she's got another date or flat out says no, your heart won't stop beating. unless it does (it won't). in which case i'm terribly sorry (but it won't happen, you just find the next girl that interests you). i have major social anxiety issues and i had many problems in high school finding the courage to just ask. but i found when i did, even if i did get rejected, that life still moved on. you won't know what could have been unless you attempt to make it happen.

That's a good piece of advice for you guys, the single, available and ISO guys.

piranhaman00, I agree with NARC you should do it. Regardless what happens, I am sure you will gain something for your next/future encounter.